Release yourself

Watching someone I care about struggle deeply and being absolutely incapable of making anything better has really dug a hole deep in my heart. The pain of this life is surreal and I am overwhelmed at how helpless I am in the midst of it. I have always expected myself to be someone who is there for others around me and takes care of them, but the season of life I am in now has made it almost impossible to do that. The Lord has my soul wide open in the palms of my hands and he is taking my step by step through the struggles and ugliness that has made me who I am, although this is an amazing thing and I am so amazed at how perfect the Lords plan and timing is. I am also torn up at how hard it is for me to get vulnerable with people in fear of not being able to keep it together the whole conversation and then making it about me. The Lord has been so patient in this process of bringing me to my knees in surrender to him, I have tried so hard to stitch my soul back up and say never mind to walking through the struggles I hide in the darkness. Every time I try the Lord shows me just why I started this in the first place- to experience freedom. I am so tired of staying in the dark and hiding from the light of God because of how dirty the enemy has told me I WAS. I am child of God and he looks at me and calls me his beloved. He doesn't see me through the lenses that I see myself. He sees me through the blood of his son Jesus, he washed my white as snow and cleanses me over and over.
The Lord doesn't need me to fix them, or make everything in my life better, He just wants me to show up and walk with him through highs and lows of life. He wants me to show up an love those around me as he loved me. And forgive those around me as He has forgiven me. The world is a hard place for everyone in it. The world is a messy and broken place that cuts everyone who is just trying to make it through life.
Yes, I am incapable to fix people, but God is not and he doesn't expect me to be able to. He knows we are human who have limits and will fall short every time- but he doesn't think less of us. I have to keep letting myself of the hook and stop expecting myself to play Jesus in the lives of those around me. I am not in control of others emotions or how they will respond to events happening around us, although I wish could be- But I am in control of how Christ-like I am to those around me and showing them just how worthy they are no matter what others in their lives have told them, or how they see themselves.
The lord is pealing away every lens Satan has placed in front of my eyes that has made me feel like I was on a different level then those around me. Making me feel like I have no place in trying to encourage others. He is replacing every lie that Satan has used to create this lens, with how he sees me. I'm finally able to see who I am in the Lord and that I am truly a precious daughter of the king. it isn't just something that others say. It makes me so excited to see how the lord is going to use my story to impact others in ways I couldn't even imagine.